im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Found your dick twin last night
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
