By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
