all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
