Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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