i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
