I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
