he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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