My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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