remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
