he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
