Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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