One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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