Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i out mim tonsoeep
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
