Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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