Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
