I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
