goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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