you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
