worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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