I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
