omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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