new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
