Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
