I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i need some magic done to my vagina
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
