There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
