Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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