Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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