Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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