I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
