woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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