He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
