I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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