a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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