YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
be right there i have to get my cape
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
