i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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