do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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