hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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