based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
