She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
