My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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