You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
