i just had sex bonerless
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
two words...techno handjob
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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