maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
