just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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