the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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