I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dear god my vagina.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
