Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
