That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
