I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
