I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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