I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
