do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
