what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
